The power and influence of the unconscious mind and its defenses.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to make sense of myself and my life. As a young boy, I had a hunger for truth. My father was an alcoholic, and my mother was a classic co-dependent. Things were confusing in my family, and there were lots of smokescreens and whitewashing. As a child, I learned not to trust the words of others; instead, I focused on trying to read what was happening beneath the surface. I believe this longing for truth and assurance has influenced my pursuit of an authentic relationship with God and a desire to study psychology and human development.
In my graduate studies, I became captivated by the theories of the psychiatrist, Alfred Adler. Adler believed that all behavior was purposive—which means that everything we do as human beings has a purpose. Adler recognized that all misbehavior in children was purposeful, and its underlying meaning could be uncovered. Adler inspired parents and teachers to hold children in positive regard and strive to uncover the underlying needs reflected in their misbehavior.
After years of practicing psychotherapy, I understood our human tendency to hide our deepest unmet yearnings and motivations. I developed a tool called the Blue Funnel of Truth to help uncover the “what’s so” in any given situation. The concept of the funnel of truth is built on the assumption that our choices are influenced by our unconscious mind. We are often unaware of its influences. Routinely we use partial truths to obscure the awareness of our deeper truths. For example, I would rather argue with you or withdraw rather than admit that I feel hurt.
In my group therapy practice, I came across a recurring example of this process of hiding from and defending against deeper truths. Predictably, new members in our assignment groups would come to the group late. Even though we had an agreement on the importance of being on time, inevitably, they would slip up and arrive late to group. Their tardiness gave us the opportunity to initiate a process of self-examination and increasing consciousness using the funnel of truth.
We would begin by asking the members why they were late. Usually, they would explain the circumstances that resulted in them being late—unusual traffic, an accident, construction, or some other excuse. This response reflected level one in the funnel of truth. We would explain that this level one response was a superficial justification, rationalization, or explanation for being late. It may be true; however, it did not address the deeper reasons for being late. 
We would ask them about the primary painful feelings (Sad, Angry, Scared, Hurt) and see if they experienced any of those emotions since their last meeting with the group. Inevitably, their eyes would open, and they would become aware that there was a lot more going on within them. Once they began to unpack the underlying levels of feelings, they would connect what might have led to them to fail to allow enough time to arrive on time. They might discover that they were sad when someone did not pay attention to them the week before in group. They might have been hurt when someone gave them a criticism or judgment. They could have also been angry when someone confronted them or scared of living up to all the group expectations.
Each feeling led to a deeper level of understanding what influenced them to be late. In addition to the heavy traffic, the new members would realize there may be other factors that reflected their resistance to coming to the group that night. It was an “aha” moment. They would have a transformational experience leading them to an increased awareness of the power and influence of the unconscious mind and its defenses.
Our conscious minds often do not recognize the clues indicating that the unconscious mind has been at work. People that are making the effort to live consciously are more aware of the workings of their unconscious minds and are able to recognize it in others. This is one of the reasons why people who want to grow and transform, surround themselves with experienced others who are willing to give them truthful feedback.
Please reach out to me at rich.blue@cle.us.com or call me at 847-414-8915 to set up a session and learn more about additional tools of consciousness like the Blue Funnel of Truth.