The recent death of Scott Weiland (former lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots), not only saddened me, it made me angry! How is it that another person has died from this dreaded disease of addiction? Some might say he didn’t ‘work his program.’ Others might say he never really wanted to get and stay clean. Maybe the answer is not that cut and dry…maybe it lies somewhere in between?
Something was missing. Pain prompted him to seek relief. But pain from what? Weiland was a successful musician, husband, and father to two little girls. Externally it looked like he had it all; fame, fortune, and family. What pain could have been significant enough, that he chose to seek relief from the one thing that could surely kill him?
I thought about the things Weiland and others like him might have in common. I did a little research into celebrities and musicians who had died from an overdose to see if there was a link. The one thing that stood out was they died alone. Where were the masses of people? Where were all the fans? Where were the loved ones?
I felt sad reading about all these people, co-voyaging with them and their sense of aloneness. I, too, have felt this kind of pain. The unbearable crush of feeling alone. A truth about addiction is it takes us away from relationships, it isolates us.
For me, the early relief from aloneness came from the meetings and fellowship with others like me. But for some, this isn’t enough. Over time, however, I began to feel like I did before. I started to feel ‘apart from’ instead of ‘a part of.’ I wanted something more, needed something more. I needed a more meaningful relationship. A deeper connection to myself and to others. It was important for me to have at least one other person who I could really trust. Someone who would ‘see’ me for me. Someone who would ‘get’ me. There were plenty of others in my recovery circle, but what I was missing was a deep connection to another human being.
A truth about addiction is it keeps us from generating a deep meaningful connection to another person. It wants us to be alone where we have no real chance to fight back. Alone with our thoughts that feed the never-ending cycle. Alone from all those we love and who love us. Alone to choose the path of a slow, insidious death. And maybe, if we are lucky, we just might see a glimmer of hope that we can rise from the ashes.
If you or someone you know struggles with addiction reach out to someone today.
Michael Birch, M.A., LPC
michael.birch@cle.us.com
217-493-6833